Socializing Stray, Deaf Cat

Dear Greyce,

I’m a neutered male around two years old, with long white hair and blue eyes. Like all white-haired blue-eyed cats, I’m deaf. And I’m having problems adjusting to my new home.

I was abandoned on the street. Fortunately, some people found me. They took me to the vet and had me neutered.

  Now I have been placed in a foster home. I’ve settled in the kitchen, where I have what I need: dry and soft food, access to water and my litter box. From time to time, the purrsons use the kitchen, too.

 The first day, I hid under the sofa. When I saw that they did not want to hurt me, I came out.
 It is now my 6th day in my foster home. I sleep. Sometimes I go for a walk. I stay on the sofa when they are in the room. When they look me in the eyes, I hiss.

 
 I’m a very scared cat. And it is difficult for me to trust people again. But I would like to live in a home and not out on the street. Please help me become a trusting cat again.

Yours,

Angora Angel in Bulgaria



Dear Angora Angel,

You didn’t leave your name, so I chose this one for you - at least for our correspondence.

Congratulations on being rescued! I, too, was abandoned and on my own during the winter (if you can imagine) for almost a month before Herself found me. And I’m very grateful to have a home.

Dealing with Deafness

The worst thing for a deaf cat is to be taken by surprise. This can happen when someone comes up behind you (so you are unable to see them) or touches you when you are sleeping, because you will not know they are there.

So when they enter your area, have them stamp their foot on the floor or rap their knuckles on the floor (if they are kneeling down) so you can sense the vibration. That gentle vibration will be your signal that they are near. And if you are asleep and appear not to notice AND they need to wake you for some reason, have them gently fan a piece of paper near you. You will sense the change in air currents and know they are around.

Of course, there will also be times when you will notice them by sight. However, tell them NOT to stare at you directly because they are being very rude. Only aggressive cats stare directly and that means they are up to no good. Unfortunately, many humans do not know this and then wonder why we cats get defensive. So tell them that they can look in your direction, purrhaps at a point just past you, but that they should NEVER look into your eyes because it is very intimidating.


Settling In

What will help you is having a routine you can depend on. I assume you are living with kind people would have a regular routine. Most people do, because they have to go to work and they come home a certain times and usually do tasks at certain times. Sometimes it varies if they have a day off, but mostly you can predict what they will do, when. And this will give you a sense of certainty.

If they have visitors, ask them to put you in a safe place away from them. It is too soon for you to be around a lot of strange people.

Stimulation to Keep Life Interesting

Every cat needs some stimulation – for physical exercise and to keep the mind sharp.

While you are alone, it would be helpful to have some things to play with and snuggle against: a small toy mouse, a soft, small ball (or a ping pong ball), or the cardboard from an empty toilet paper roll. Each of us has different likes and dislikes when it comes to toys, so they might have to try a few to see what interests you. (I like a small pouch of catnip which I bat around the room.)

If you enjoy your dry food, suggest that your purrsons make a food puzzle for you – using the cardboard from an empty toilet paper roll.

I really like my scratch pillow. It is a piece of material shaped like a long cylinder and stuffed with soft fabric and a bit of catnip. I cuddle with it and scratch along it with my hind paws.

You might like a hiding box – just an empty carton on the floor, put near but not in a corner and near a wall. You can sit in the box and watch the world go by. Such a box is best if it has two exits – a hole or large opening to go in and another one to go out. We cats don’t like single-entrance boxes just in case we get trapped.

You might also like to explore a large paper bag (no plastic, no handles). I have Herself roll up the rim a little to make it sturdy. She cuts off the handles so I don’t get caught in them. I she cuts a small peep hole in the back so I can see out the back and well as the front.

For toy ideas that your people can make for you, consult the following videos:
Make Homemade Cat Toys - actually a series of 15 different videos with lots of toy ideas.
Sock Toy
Home Made Puzzle Box
Food Puzzles


Getting Used to Interacting with People

Of course your purrsons will want to get you used to people again. Here are some suggestions:

Consult my entry, Only On My Terms – The Aloof Cat and the Cuddly Human (December 20, 2009) for tips on interactive play toys and suitable ways to use them. This is an important way to have fun and to relax.

From time to time, they can offer you a dry food treat. It should be either a pet treat or a dry food you don’t get to eat everyday, so that it is something special. They can start by putting a few pieces about a half-metre away (1.5 feet American) from you and see if you will come and take them. (They should stand back away from the treat by at least a metre - one yard in American - and make no move toward you at this time.)

Tell them to try different distances to find out the one that is most comfortable for you. And then, each day, they should lengthen the distance just a little bit (a few centimeters – think inches if you are American) so that you have to walk a little more to get the treat AND come a little closer to where they are.

If you are still comfortable, you will take the treat. If not, they need to make the distance a little greater again. The key is to shorten the distance between you and them very slowly, over the period of many, many days. Eventually you will get to the point of being able to come nearer to them for a treat. And then they can start offering a treat from their hand.

I hope I am making myself clear and if not, please let me know and I will try another explanation. And do remind them that one dry treat is the same as one cookie for a small child.

Touching

I suspect you may be wary of being touched and handled by humans.

Are you okay with being groomed?

Some of us will allow grooming but really don’t want to be petted.

To start with, have them approach you slowly and extend a hand out to you, about 30 centimetres (about a foot American) from you. IF and ONLY IF you approach the hand and give it a sniff, then they can gently stroke your cheeks a few times with a couple of fingers or the back of the hand. If you do not approach the hand, they should just withdraw and try again another time.

Again, they need to proceed slowly, never forcing you to do something you don’t want to. And over a period of many days, you may get to enjoy having your cheeks stroked. If you do, then they can proceed to gentle pets around your neck and the back of your head.

Let me know which of these suggestions work for you.
I wish you the very best,

Greyce

Socializing a Cat: Beauty's Progress

Dear Greyce,

I just wanted to know that I am becoming more comfortable in human surroundings since I wrote you (see Why Do I Have to Socialize? May 26, 2010). It has been taking time and patience, but I'm sure it will be worth it.

Yours,
Nameless Beauty

Dear Beauty,
I am so pleased that you are making progress.

Interested readers can have a look at Beauty's Progress. There are also some other short videos of her which can be accessed from there.  

Best,
Greyce

Molly Takes a Big Step

Readers, you may recall Molly (of Molly and Ivy, not Molly and Filou) a painfully shy cat who is trying her best to become a full-fledged member of her household. See also Oil & Water (11/10/09), Molly's Update (28/12/09) and Molly's Good News (2/22/10). Here is latest report.

Dear Greyce, Here is another update on my progress.

I'm continuing to become a bit more outgoing. With the warmer weather, Ivy spends most of her time outdoors which means I have the run of the house. And I'm now able to use a litter box in the basement (rather than restricting myself exclusively to the bedroom - my safe room). But I do have my limits: I still distrust sudden moves and loud noises.

But here is my best news: I've come to enjoy sitting on Herself's lap in the afternoon.

Just thought you'd like to know. Molly

Dear Molly, How wonderful that you are able to enjoy the warmth of human companionship - quite literally. You have made remarkable progress in a very patient and caring household. And don't fret about your limits. Even I, who consider myself to be most purrfect, have been known to have limitations. And given your history and temperament, fearing sudden moves and loud noises is purrfectly understandable. Let's raise a glass to catnip wine to your remarkable progress. Purrs and whisker kisses, Greyce.

Why Do I Have to Socialize?

Dear Greyce, As you can see from my photo, I am a Bulgarian beauty and I am in search both of a name by which humans can address me and a permanent residence. About a month ago, I was humanely trapped and spayed and then went to live with my rescuer. Unfortunately the large dog who lives with her gave me a hard time. I solved the problem by staying in the basement and roaming the yard. You can imagine what my life had been like on the streets, for I never went outside that yard.

I am not a social cat. I prefurr to stay by myself. However this did not meet with her approval. “How will you ever get adopted if you continue to behave that way?” she would say to me. Frankly I didn’t care. Life was fine as it was.

In the hopes of preparing me for adoption, she placed me for fostering in an apartment with a young couple. I’ve been here about three weeks and I have it just the way I like it.

I live in the bedroom. When they return in the evening, I hide. Then at night when they are asleep, I start to play.

I’m fed wet and dry food and have come to enjoy both. Sometimes when Herself serves my dinner, I let her touch me on the head. And sometimes I will watch Themselves lie on the bed or sleep, until one of them moves – when I leave immediately.

I am not aggressive but I fear noise and movement that is unexpected (or loud), and I do NOT like to be touched. I have a litter box which I use faithfully.

In other words, I am not much trouble at all. So why do I have to become more able to interact with human beings? I like things as they are. Nameless Beauty

Molly's Good News

Dear Readers, I just got another update from Molly, a cat who lives with the much-more-confident Ivy and was having trouble dealing with a multi-cat household of two (see Oil & Water, 11/10/09; Molly's Update, 28/12/09).

In her own words: Just reporting that things are improving more and more. My purrsons were finally able to take their Christmas tree down two weeks ago because I wasn't going under it anymore. I am still always looking for Ivy but can actually fall asleep in the same room as her and about five feet apart. My purrson started feeding me a little wet food every morning and I wake her up and SHE follows ME to the kitchen, tail held high (Molly, I assume it is your tail!). We pass by Ivy and I don't slow down. She got her food first one day, and I went right over to her dish with her there. (I am not that brave when food isn't involved.) I still hiss on occasion when she surprises me. I am enjoying life much more.

Molly,  You are an inspiration to all shy and frightened cats. I am SO proud of you! Greyce.

Molly's Update (from Oil & Water)

Dear Readers, You may remember Molly (the painfully shy and very sensitive feline) and her new, more resilient companion, Ivy, about whom I wrote in my entry Oil & Water (11/10/09).

Molly wrote to share her good news.

I've been in my sanctuary (my purrson's bedroom) for about a month now, surrounded by lovely music with the Feliway diffuser working its magic. Feliway is even helping Ivy settle down a little.

Ivy got into the room a few times when I was in bed with my purrson; she ate at my feeding area; and I didn't even react! When the door has been left ajar, I ventured into the sewing room across the hall a few times. My purrson takes me to the dining room where I sit on my favourite chair and she made me a partial tent to help me stay calm; and I stayed there for a few hours. I still gave a little hiss when Ivy went under the chair, even though I don't think Ivy even saw me.

My purrson put up a small tree that I used to sleep under last year. It has a garland right to the bottom and when I climbed under it, I am almost comletely hidden. At first I just never took my eyes off Ivy who was across the room sleeping. Now I can fall asleep under the tree - though when Ivy passes by I still hiss.

So I AM making progress. Thanks again for your help.

Dear Molly, You are doing such fine work. Just remember, slow and steady wins the race. And you ARE doing so very well. Congratulations and best wishes for the new year!

Oil & Water - Introductions Gone Wrong

Humans can be exasperating, even with the best of intentions. Take my friend, Molly, for instance, who wrote as follows:

I am over five years old with light blue eyes and a coat that goes from white to tanny rust. I have a lovely round face with perfect small ears, long slim legs, and small dainty paws. Regardless of how beautiful I am (and I AM beautiful), I've had a very hard life. First, the people I used to live with had me declawed on all four paws. Most of my teeth are missing (though, thank goodness, I can still eat quite well). Second, I was abandoned -- found on the streets in winter. Third, after being rescued I was put in a small room of a sanctuary with five other cats who left me alone until I ventured off my perch to go and eat; then they'd attack me! My nose got scratched several times. The good news is that I was adopted about 18 months ago into a loving home. There, my feline companion was a laid-back Persian who I liked very much. Unfortunately he died almost a year ago, from a heart condition.

The difficulty started because my purrsons have big hearts. And because they have the space, they decided to open MY home to another cat. So about six months after the Persian died, an interloper joined the household. Her name is Ivy and she is an energetic, three-year-old. She, too, spent time in a sanctuary after being found wandering around. I have to admit that she is quite pretty: large ears with moon-like markings nearby, perched atop a small, triangular face, a black and grey ringed tail, and a snow white body. She has only eye and it is blue.

When she arrived at MY home, she stayed in the basement for two days. Don't worry, she got good care: there was lot of food, water, even a litterbox. And my purrsons made sure to keep her company as well. They soon learned that she is a lap cat.

After two days they let Ivy venture upstairs. Like any respectful cat, I ignored her at first. My folks thought I wasn't curious. They didn't know that I was sizing her up.

Now she is permanently upstairs and I wish she would keep her distance. When she passes by me, I hiss to tell her to back off. I will also howl. I've retreated to the bedroom and spend most of my time there (even though I would like to be in the main room -- perhaps on the dining room chair where I can be somewhat hidden).  

Ivy scares me. I've even peed a few times when I'm afraid to go down and use the litterbox for fear of running into her. (Also when my folks have gone on holidays, but that's another story.) When I venture out of the bedroom, I do so in a crouching posture, like I am hunting. Guess why? And yes, I admit to using the few teeth that remain and giving Ivy a good bite or two. Ivy also likes to go outside and spend a lot of time on the front deck. As far a I concerned, she could live out there!



I really like my purrsons -- even the human kittens. I liked it best when my folks took Ivy to stay with relatives who have three dogs while they took a vacation (the folks, not the dogs, that is). Ivy became the pack leader and I was left blissfully on my own (with a housesitter)!

So Greyce, the bottom line is this: I am anxious all the time. I never know when Ivy will come around me. And considering the life I've had, I think I have every reason to be scared. I didn't ask for this interloper and she won't leave me alone. I've tried to get her to back off, but she persists. I'm very vulnerable and have few defenses -- no claws, a few teeth and my growl. I fear that Ivy is here to stay. And now I hear talk of putting me on drugs! Help me, Greyce, I'm scared!!!