Cat Grief

Dear Readers,

Bailey Showing Concern

From time to time, one of my colleagues alerts me to a need that I've yet to address. For this topic, I thank Bailey who is concerned about a cat of her acquaintance who is dealing with the death of his feline companion.

Just like purrsons, each of us grieves differently. Sometimes the disappearance of a fur purrson or a beloved human from our lives seems to make little difference. Some of us go on as if nothing has happened. Other times it is a BIG deal. According to veterinarian Bruce Fogel in his book The Secret Life of Cat Owners, we can take up to six months (or so) before we adapt to the changes that loss brings. Exactly how long it takes and the nature of the process is very individual.

If you are fortunate and your purrson was able to thoughtfully prepare in advance, s/he may bring the body of your companion home after euthanasia. This can be a kindness, for it gives you the change to sniff and explore the physical form of the lost one and recognize that s/he is well and truly gone.

A Valentine Tribute to Molly

Dear Readers: While this blog is restricted to dealing with feline behaviour, there comes a time when an entry must be the exception to the rule. Filou, one of my devoted readers requested some space on this special day to say something that is on his mind. And I purred, 'yes!'

So here is Filou's contribution:


I had the privilege of a marvelous cat companion after years of living as a lone and much-pampered cat. My purrson tended to my every need. We had a good thing going.




Molly, before I knew her



I didn’t know it could get any better. And then along came Molly.


I knew Molly was arriving, of course. Herself had had a talk with me – about a cat who had lived with her purrson all 10 years of her life. And how she now needed to move out.


I did my best to welcome the frightened creature who crossed our threshold. It was rough going.


She bolted from the bedroom (which was set up as her safe space) and refused to budge from under the dining room chair. She hissed at me! And she was miserable.


Beside myself with worry, I contacted you, Greyce, soon after she arrived. We followed your advice and slowly, she started to blossom. She became good company for me. And we often enjoyed dining together.

A quiet dinner together

It took about eight months before she fully came into her own: a chatterbox who would race me to the front door when Herself came home.

What can I say Greyce? She wrapped her paws around our hearts!


We were so happy that we didn't even notice that dark clouds were gathering over our lives. In November, I became anxious and started to pick on Molly. This was out of character for me and puzzling to Herself. And Molly – who loved all sorts of snacks – started to become a more and more picky eater.


She went to the vet – a nasty, aggressive mouth cancer has invaded her body.

Just before Xmas, Molly died.


As you can imagine, it was NOT a wonderful Xmas for the rest of us. We were in shock. And we missed her greatly. We miss her still.


Valentine’s Day is a time when you tell those you love, that you love them very much. So I wanted to take the opportunity to tell Molly that I love her.

Molly, we are grateful for the privilege of having known you.

May You Rest in the Arms of The Eternal One,

Knowing That We Will Love You Forever.

With love, Filou

Filou











Greyce's Note: Interested readers can delve into Molly and Filou's history by entering Filou's name into the search box on the right.

Molly, we are glad that we could offer you shelter when you needed a home.

Figgy's Funk -- Getting Over The Loss of a Dog

Dear Greyce, I am Figaro -- a four-year old, black female who lives indoors but goes outside. I deal with my household on my own terms; I have never been affectionate with most of its members -- two adults and their three children (ranging in age from 16 to 20) along with a rabbit and two rats. However I did have a soft spot for our Bull Terrier whom I'd known since I was a kitten. We developed a strong, mutual understanding; and although I was never as demonstrative as that rambunctious and cheerful dog, we loved each other. In the face of her demands for repeated attention, I would respond if and when I pleased. 

If I got locked out of the house at night, my beloved companion would bark until the purrsons would let me inside. When I'd stroll through the door, I'd show my respect for her efforts on my behalf by rubbing against her to mark her -- in acknowledgement of her higher rank in the household.

She died four months ago. Needless to say, I miss her terribly -- as does the rest of the family.

Since her death, my behaviour has changed. Depending on whom you talk to, there are slightly different pictures of what has happened, so I will try to stick to the facts as much as possible: 1) I used to sleep on one of the kid's beds. Now I sleep under the bed. And some believe I sleep more than I used to. 2)Apparently I look 'lost', as if I don't know family members. Some say I growl and hiss at them without provocation (hissing just like I do if someone interrupts me when I'm chattering at the birds outside or chasing other cats away from the yard). Others suggest that I just startle easily. 3) I am not interested in playing. But I am still eating well. And I will sit by the dining table when the family is eating there, in the hope of getting a human food treat.

I like to have control over my purrsonal space. So I have never liked to be touched by humans unless I approach them for the occasional stroke; then I purr. I haven't purred in a long time.

My humans are concerned about these changes and wonder what they could do to help me feel better. And they'd like to get another Bull Terrier and wonder if it would be okay to have a puppy join the household at this time. Would a puppy help me feel better?

Yours, Figaro (but you may call me, Figgy)

Coping with Loss -- Part 7 of Litterbox Blues

There is a song with the words, everybody's got a story that will break your heart. Daisy's story is one of them.

Dear Greyce, My world has turned upside down and I don't know what to do. There have been so many changes in my life that I can hardly keep them straight. So let me begin at the beginning and try to put you in the picture.

I am a senior (11 year old) black and white, Holstein-patterned, shorthaired cat who was the darling of her purrson. We spent a lot of time together; I would sit on her bed and she would fuss over me. I'm using the past tense because my purrson died, seven months ago. Since then all hell has broken loose.


Around the time that she died, there was a strange cat outside who unnerved me by hanging around the windows and spraying the front door. And then the adult human who lives here (along with her partner and a young, teenaged boy) developed a serious medical problem, the symptoms of which were scary and stressful. Then they (those humans) turned the place upsidedown -- packing things in boxes and carting them away, rearranging and getting rid of furniture. I couldn't even recognize the place! To add insult to injury, a male kitten invaded about three months ago and it sure looks like he is here to stay. He is very energetic and wants to play ALL the time. It gets on my nerves so I give him a swat but I lack the confidence to do anything else but run away.


I have been coping with these changes as best I can -- by NOT using my litterbox for anything. I've been doing this ever since my purrson died. It's a good box, filled with clumping litter and scooped clean every day. But I just can't use it. The humans are fed up because they say I've made a mess and its just too much for them. So now when everyone is away, I'm locked up in the bathroom. I pee in the shower stall and poop on the floor. And just the other day, when I was let out of the room I peed on the running shoes by the front door.


They think I am beyond redemption. My only advocate is my 'human aunt' who does not live here; and I cannot go to live with her because she already has several cats. Now they are talking about euthanasia. I wonder if there is another way to help me.